


Fogged Panes

by ForNought



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 22:38:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2828537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForNought/pseuds/ForNought
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren has been falling into bed with Jean for far too long - long enough for Jean to finally have  a chance with Marco: the Man of his Dreams. Conveniently at the same time as needing to find a new hobby Eren receives a text message from an incorrect number and then needs to navigate the sudden minefield of feelings he never knew he had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fogged Panes

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for the prompt http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/8414.html?thread=7383262

The shower wall tiles were a point of cold relief against Eren's cheek. It was nice. It was more than pleasant. There was no better counter-balance to how being fucked against the wall was almost making him lose his mind.

Eren and Jean had learnt from the last time they tried fucking in the shower whilst standing and they both slipped and fell, one of them escaping with bruises all along his arm and thigh and the other having to awkwardly make a less embarrassing story up when he was getting head stitches in A & E. Jean claimed he was never going to forgive Eren for that, yet here he was kneeling behind him and trying to turn Eren's face  so he had a better angle to kiss while he fucked him.

"Fuck, you're-" Jean abruptly stopped speaking and Eren grinned to himself, knowing that Jean must have stopped because he couldn't have finished the sentence without giving himself away. Jean hated it when he let Eren know that he was falling apart. Eren simply smirked to himself and held tighter onto the bath handle as he pushed back into Jean.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." An aborted grunt and then, "I mean do you want to. Like. Do you want some pizza?"

"Oh my god." Eren couldn't hold back his laughter and he knew his attempts to muffle the sound with his hand was feeble.

"I don't mean right now."

"Whatever."

"No, shut up. You can just go home if you want. I won't give you a lift to work ever again. I hate you."

"I hate you too."

Jean spluttered a bit but managed to mumble a spiteful, "I hate you more," as he slung his arm around Eren's waist and snapped his hips faster.

  


Eren had only just sat down on the toilet when his phone vibrated in his hands. He sighed and stopped checking his emails long enough to read the text that he already knew would be from Jean. It read,

From: Stupid

your hinvkr steed awaiys.

Eren snorted and replied, 'you're the stupidest guy I know.'

From: Stupid

Fu,k yoi

To: Stupid

why can't you spell??? didn't you go to school?

From: Stupid

shir up i ddoby have autocirtect and my yjbs aretpo big for yhe buttons

It was far too early for Eren to even attempt to decipher that one but almost instantly his phone was vibrating with yet another text. It read, 'thats not all yhat is big thoyhj'. Eren rolled his eyes and didn't bother replying. He needed to hurry up because Jean was outside and they would both be late for work if he didn't hurry. Jean never sent Eren warning texts before he arrived though and that was the problem. He turned up at a different time each morning to give Eren a lift to whichever site they would be working on, so it was not as though Eren could aim for a specific time to get ready. He just knew Jean left his house in the mornings with exactly enough time to pick up Eren and stop off at a McDonald's drive-thru which was never enough time when Eren only found out he was supposed to be in the car just moments after rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Whenever Eren mentioned anything to this effect, Jean would always retort with, "You wouldn't even have a job if it wasn't for me giving you lifts everywhere."

"Yeah, sure. My whole life is dependent on whether or not I have you to ferry me around," Eren said with an eye-roll and a mouthful of sausage and egg McMuffin.

"Exactly. I mean, who here passed their driving test first time? Me. Who has five fails and counting? You."

"Shut up," Eren mumbled as he closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the headrest. Tiredness was weighing down his very bones and he wondered why he was feeling like this after an early night. It was the first Monday in a while that Eren hadn't woken up at Jean's yet he was so much more tired than he should have been. He was in no position to be tearing the kitchen out of someone's house, not without causing accidental damage to the house, but he needed the money and it wasn't as though he had to make his own way there. He also managed to get a free breakfast out of the deal. He took another bite of the McMuffin, amazed that his closed eyes didn't reduce his co-ordination to zero, and said, "Anyway, it's not 'and counting' because I've stopped trying."

"What? What do you mean you've stopped trying."

"It means just that. What were you calling me a few months back? Five Fails Jaeger?  That's going to be me for the rest of my life."

"Are you sure? You could still pass. And if not, Six Fails Jaeger doesn't have the same ring to it."

"I can't afford it. I think I'm fine like this."

"Really? How will you ever get anywhere?"

Eren didn't say, "You can drive me everywhere," because he was far too tired for whatever Jean would say to that. He did think it though and he felt mildly irritated with himself until he had something else to concentrate on at work.

 

 

It was a funny thing how Jean always seemed to text Eren when he was on the toilet, but it wasn't really funny when Eren only wanted to shit in peace. He just wanted to go to sleep for a very long time and forget about the fact that he was a functioning adult with a job and responsibilities. Work had been even more taxing than usual and it might have had something to do with the fact that he kept doing things wrong.

He hadn't dented that washing machine on purpose, it was simply that it suddenly jumped out at him when he was ripping out a cupboard and it got caught in the back-swing of his crow bar. Jean had told him it was fine and taken the heat for it but Eren had still spent the rest of the day afraid that something similar would happen.

He was expecting Jean's text to have something to do with calling in the favour already, probably something disproportionate to getting a telling off for denting the bottom corner of a washing machine. It wasn't. It was yet another incoherent message that Eren would never be able to work out without asking Jean what it meant directly.

Eren sighed. He wiped, flushed, and ran his hands under the tap rather than actually washing them properly. He was lazy and tired and he was hoping he'd have the opportunity to bring it up at some point after his hands had been all over Jean's body.

It was only an eight minute walk to Jean's flat, though Eren somehow got there in fifteen minutes. He hadn't been dawdling, but maybe his pace had slowed to give the impression that he wasn't being over-eager. Jean was probably being presumptuous anyway. Who was to say that Eren wasn't going to go home without anything happening. Maybe he'd just watch some nature documentaries on Jean's massive HD television. Perhaps he'd eat all of the expensive brands of cereal Jean had, rather than the supermarket own brands of corn flakes and wheat malts that Eren had at home. Maybe his hands wouldn't be getting anywhere near Jean, and that would be Eren's choice because he could definitely go to Jean's flat without ending up in bed with him.

The whole accidentally having sex with Jean every time he saw him thing was maybe starting to bother Eren a little bit. He wasn't sure why, but maybe it was the fact that they both somehow ended up sniping at one another whenever other people commented on how close they were. The things Jean said were just plain stupid and Eren sometimes couldn't believe that was the guy who was sticking it in him - well he also found it difficult to believe when there wasn't an atom of space between them and Jean was in so deep that Eren was too awed to properly fill his lungs - but that was the way things were. It was stupid, really.

When Eren turned the spare key he had - the key he couldn't even remember accepting, yet he always had it about his person - in the front door he heard the relieved explosion of Jean telling him to hurry inside.

"Fuck, what took you so long? I told you to get here the second you got the text."

"I was busy."

"Busy doing what? I had literally only just dropped you home," Jean retorted, pointing at Eren when he came into view.

"I was busy doing stuff," Eren shrugged. Despite the lack of audience, he felt like a spotlight had been shone on him by Jean, standing on his hideous armchair and pointing so determinedly at him. "Hey, are you crying?"

"What? Shut up. No." Jean scrubbed his hands over his eyes and scowled.

"What, did Marco cancel some plans?"

"No. Shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're talking ab- oh god, it's going to fall on you!"

"What is?" Eren yelled as he leapt out of the way. He tripped over Jean's discarded shoes and stumbled at the foot of the armchair, wildly looking around to see what had been close to falling on him.

He didn't scream, he just exhaled in a way that could have been mistaken for a scream if he was being viewed on footage with the sound turned off. That was all. If Eren really had screamed, he wouldn't have denied it. The thing that could have fallen on him was the hugest spider he had ever seen, slipping and skittering on the section of wall above the doorframe. That thing probably would have eaten his face if it had fallen on him. So Eren would have forgiven himself for screaming at that, but he totally hadn't, no matter what that huge cry-baby Jean seemed to think.

"When I got home, it was over there," Jean pouted as he pointed at some other wall in a direction Eren was not going to look in. Clearly somebody needed to keep an eye on this beast with eight legs. "And I had to stand here and watch it crawl all the way over there when you took so long coming over. Move it."

"Excuse me?"

"Please. I need it gone. You would be doing me a huge favour."

Eren was considering it for a moment, but Jean had to open his big stupid mouth. "It's just that Marco is coming over and, well, I'd probably be a complete mess if that thing was still here then. I don't want Marco to think I'm a baby."

"You're already crying now. He's definitely going to know."

"I am not crying," Jean said through gritted teeth. The kick that glanced off Eren's ear was certainly not needed to punctuate that sentence.

"What the fuck?"

"Please, just get rid of it."

Eren sighed, ensuring he sounded really hard done by. He slowly stood and walked over to the door. The spider was completely still and Eren rushed through the doorway. He tried not to outwardly show how much of an adrenaline rush that was, but at least he wasn't the one crying and narrating every time the spider so much as farted. Or something. Eren wasn't really listening to be completely honest.

The thing was, Eren was terrified of spiders. He had no idea why he had agreed to move the thing. Well, he hadn't technically agreed, but when he started towards the front door, Jean wailed, "Where are you going? You can't leave. The kitchen is in the other direction if you want a cup. You already know that, you stupid twat. You have to move it!"

Eren reappeared in the doorway and grinned. "I was just kidding."

"Shut up. Move it!"

When Eren returned from the kitchen with a glass and a shopping list he had seen on the kitchen counter, he took a fortifying breath before dragging Jean's coffee table to stand underneath the spider. It was now just to the left of the door and this was looking like a challenge. Maybe Eren should have got a bigger glass. Maybe he should really have left and let Jean sort it out.

But he got up onto the coffee table. Under his breath he was chanting, "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," and trying not to screw his eyes tightly shut as he knew that would be a fatal mistake in the transportation of the spider. His hands were trembling wildly and he knew he was risking letting the spider escape. If that happened he was definitely going to run home and never return to Jean's flat ever again.

It didn't happen that way though. He had the spider trapped in the glass and he would have felt elated if it were not for the fact that he could not move. He could not fathom how it would be possible to slip the paper in his hand under the glass. He had seen Mikasa do this scores of times, but he just didn't get how he was supposed to do it. He was shaking too much and the spider was definitely going to find a gap and escape, Eren was sure of it, and it might even touch him.

His eyes clamped shut and then he heard a knock at the front door. He was maybe teetering closer to the possibility of tears, but he wasn't in the same state as Jean who thundered to the front door and loudly welcomed Marco into his home, apologising for the mess.

"Oh, hiya, Eren," Marco said when he stepped into the room. Eren opened his eyes a crack and saw Marco peering around the door to grin at him.

"Hi."

"What's going on?"

"This princess got all in a tizz because he saw an itsy bitsy little spider and he simply had to get rid of it," Jean explained with an eye roll. That wasn't even a believable lie because Jean's eyes were still red and puffy enough to give him away. When Eren had the use of his arms, and they weren't about to shake loose of their sockets, he was going to punch that idiot in his stupid head.

"Do you have everything under control, or do you want some help with that?"

Marco was possibly the kindest person to live. Maybe. He was like Mother Teresa, gentle and smiling with his hands out as though he was going to help Eren regardless of the reply. He was too good for Jean to always be fawning all over him. If Eren had to rank them and include personality, Marco could look like the Elephant Man and easily still get a ten, much higher than Jean only getting, like a four on a good day - or a minus fifteen today. Marco didn't look like the Elephant Man, and he was actually really hot so he was probably at least a forty out of ten.

In the face of this man who could get the impossible score of forty out of ten, Eren could only nod and pretend he wasn't trembling with fear so much as shivering from a chill when Marco stepped up beside him and took over holding the glass. His fingers were warm and firm as they overlapped Eren's and that made something inside Eren feel a little bit jealous. Of what, he was not certain, but he wasn't Jean, he wasn't in love with Marco, so perhaps he was jealous that there was someone in the world that Marco was going to touch with these hands and that person would feel that everything was alright.

Eren let go of the glass and handed over the sheet of paper before stepping down from the table and standing a safe distance away. He didn't feel that odd longing specifically for Marco, but he wanted something like that. He wanted just the touch of somebody's hands to reassure him, he wanted to be that for somebody too. The closest thing he had to that was Jean twining their fingers together as he sucked at the hollow of his neck and snapped his hips a little too quickly and roughly.

When Marco had the spider in a glass prison cell, he stepped down from the table, grinning at the two men before him. "I got the little cutie."

"Thank you so much, Marco, you are a real life-saver," Jean gushed.

Eren rolled his eyes. It was any wonder Jean wasn't prostrate and kissing the ground Marco walked on.

When Marco left to dispose of the spider Jean rounded on Eren. "You can leave now."

"Are you sure? I think Marco will be leaving soon anyway. Did you hear him call that spider a cutie? That thing has a better chance with him than you do."

"Shut up, you idiot. Just go. You're annoying."

"Was that all? You wanted me to get rid of a spider?"

Jean nodded and gestured to the door. "You couldn't even do that properly."

"How do you think you have any room to talk after you were crying about a spider and called me for help?"

"I've never pretended not to be scared of things, so I have plenty of room to talk. I'm not getting into this now. Leave."

Eren threw his arms up in exasperation and they landed limply at his sides. He didn't need to be told twice. He was planning on leaving anyway. However he didn't want Jean to have the last word. "Oh, you want me to leave? So that you can embarrass yourself out of seducing Marco?"

"Shut up, you stupid idiot," Jean roared, red in the face and looking similar to how he did when Eren realised he had been crying because of the spider in his house. "Shut up, get out, and leave me alone for as long as possible."

So Eren did. If that meant he needed to catch the bus to work for the rest of the week, at least he knew he was stalwart enough to put up with the hour long journey every single morning.

 

"Have you spoken to Jean recently?" Armin asked as he stirred the pot of chilli con carne he had been experimenting with all afternoon.

"No. Have you?"

"Put down the Crackerbread," Armin warned. Eren put the pack of Crackerbread back in the cupboard and squinted at the back of Armin's head as though that would shed any light on how Armin knew what he was doing. "No. Then again, I don't work with him every day."

"That's irrelevant. You've got a phone. He's got a phone. You know where he lives. I could keep listing shit." Eren leaned right into Armin's space and said, "Taste."

Armin retrieved a teaspoon from the drawer and spooned a little bit of the chilli into Eren's mouth. He didn't look surprised at all by Eren wailing and complaining that it was too hot.

"You're quite resourceful when you want to change the subject."

"No idea what you're talking about," Eren managed to say as he rolled the chilli around his mouth to minimise the burn.

"Just because you've had a fight with him it doesn't mean that you can't still be friends."

"We're not friends." Eren maybe said that a bit too quickly so he added, "We haven't had a fight either."

Armin turned to face him properly and tightened his ponytail while wearing  a disbelieving expression. Eren crunched into a Crackerbread loudly and said, "Forget whether or not I've been talking to Jean, who have you been talking to?"

"Nobody."

"How would you have come to the conclusion that I'm not talking to Jean?"

"Intuition," Armin suggested. He flinched when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

"And what about that? Who keeps texting you? Stop that. Stop smiling and looking at your phone because you look stupid when you smile."

"At least for me it is only when I smile," Armin retorted absently as he rapidly typed a text.

Eren swallowed the remainder of his Crackerbread and wrapped his arms around Armin's waist and rested his head on Armin's shoulder. "Mean. You're so mean."

"And you're so stupid." Armin's phone was back in his pocket and Eren was none the wiser about who he was texting. He went back to delving into the box of Crackerbread and winced at the dry taste. "Stop eating those, you don't even like them."

"But I'm hungry."

"I don't come here to cook for my health. This is dinner for you and leftovers for lunch over the next few days so stop spoiling your appetite."

"Ah, yes. Me eating these now will really affect my appetite on Monday."

"Just stop eating. You need to fill up on real food because goodness knows you need something to line your stomach. It probably won't stop you from getting paralytic but it would make me feel better that getting your stomach pumped isn't a concrete plan for tonight."

Eren sighed and tossed the box away. He let Armin know he wouldn't win by hovering over his shoulder with a bowl and a fork and a song that would eventually get on Armin's nerves.

 

Jean found Eren leaning up against the wall outside the Oil Rooms and promptly shoved the polystyrene tray he was holding into Eren's face. It was obviously a peace-offering, but Eren was hoping that he was more iron-willed than to be swayed by kebab meat and chips. Unfortunately, he wasn't. It was probably the chilli  and mint sauce that defeated him though and not what they symbolised.

"Could you look anymore disgusting while you're eating that?" Jean asked as he daintily bit into a chip.

"Could you look like any more of a twat while you're eating that?" Eren retorted.

"That was going to be my second question, actually."

"Shut up," Eren grumbled.

He was trying to maintain his bad mood here, and Jean was ruining it by being the smarmy idiot he always was. Eren's ears were ringing after having to stand through some amateur band who thought playing loudly enough for every instrument to distort beyond recognition was the same as being good, and he was already tired just knowing that he would have to be up early tomorrow to be on the site.

He just shoved a greasy handful of chips and a few trailing strips of kebab meat into his mouth. It didn't do much to cheer him up though. "What the hell is this? Is this lemon? Why isn't there any salt and vinegar on your chips?"

"You're a fucking pig," Jean commented. At that moment in time, Eren couldn't disagree seeing as how he had been talking with his mouth full and a side-effect of that was having chewed up fragments of mashed up potato and lamb drop out of his mouth. Jean continued, still wrinkling his nose, "I'm on a diet anyway."

Eren frowned, wiping his hands off on his jeans and shoving them under his armpits to keep them warm as he eyed Jean in his stupid leather jacket, which made him look like a bell-end for the record. It must have been new because Eren had never seen it before and he was always picking his way through Jean's clothes so he could tell him what a bad sense of fashion he had.

"Why are you on a diet? Weirdo."

"We don't all want to die of coronary heart disease."

"Didn't you smoke twenty a day by the end of school? Don't you think now is a bit too late to start worrying about that?"

"Obviously not. Besides, I've stopped smoking so it's not like my life expectancy is going to get any shorter."

"What are you talking about? Cutting down on salt and vinegar isn't going to make anything from a chip shop healthy, idiot!"

Except Jean had stopped listening by that point because Marco had suddenly appeared next to the pair of them and Jean was smiling at Marco and tipping his head close to Marco's and sharing his kebab meat and chips with Marco.

Fuck Marco. He might have been all polite and nice and so typically Marco when he came over and said hello, but Eren was in a bad mood and that meant he was going to ignore Marco.

Or, he was at least going to try to ignore Marco. He couldn't ignore the way Marco laughed with his whole body, or the way Marco tilted his head and cupped Jean's elbow as they talked, or the way Marco's fingers strayed a bit too close to Jean's face as he stroked at the collar of the leather jacket and asked when he had given Jean permission to wear it. 

Eren wasn't jealous. Not at all.

The heavy sludge in his stomach felt a lot like jealousy though.

He just wasn't jealous. He couldn't be because there was no reason for him to be. He hated Jean, after all. They only slept together sometimes because it wasn't as though Jean was good for anything else. Besides, Jean was in love with Marco and Eren already knew that. Everybody knew that because he was stupid and obvious and all he ever talked about was Marco and he had even told Eren as much. Eren knew that he was just going to be ditched for Marco whenever he deigned to bestow Jean with his presence but expecting something didn't mean he liked it. At all.

It made sense that neither of them noticed when Eren sidled away. It didn't make sense that he couldn't find Armin and Mikasa.

 

'Thanks for deleting all the contacts in my phone. Hate you xxx'

Eren frowned down at his phone. Maybe it was because of the early hour but Eren could not recall doing such a thing. Ever. The number was unfamiliar and Eren didn't know how he was supposed to deal with this. He threw his phone onto the bathroom floor, wiped, flushed the toilet and considered having a shower before he decided to reply to the text. There was already another message from the same number and Eren was not less confused.

'Also tell your boyf he can't touch you no matter how good looking he is.'

'i think you have the wrong number'

the reply came much quicker than Eren was accustomed to. It was also spelt a lot better too. 'Either this is annie playing a joke or this is not annie at all'

'im going to say this is not annie at all'

'Are you sure?'

Eren was sure but he didn't quite know how to convince this person in a way that was not open to interpretation. He didn't have to dwell on that for too long because all too soon he had another text.

'If you're not annie then who are you?'

'eren.you'

'Wow eren.you. That's a really nice name. I'm reiner.'

'cool' Eren replied.

He decided to go for that shower even though at this point he was definitely going to be late for work. If he was going to be late he might as well be clean. When he got out of the shower there were no more texts on his phone and he thought that was probably the end of that. He saved Reiner's number in his phone, for reference purposes and nothing more, and chalked this up to one of one of those things that never really turns into anything. He wouldn't usually save a wrong number but there was no reason why he really shouldn't. It wasn't going to do any harm even if they were not going to communicate ever again.

 

 

Piling into Jean's flat had become something of a bi-monthly event. As was customary of these gatherings, Connie and Sasha were recounting some tales of how awful it is to sell Avon products between doing shifts at the packing factory. The sound effects that accompanied Sasha's anecdote were a good distraction from Jean trying to lick ketchup off Marco's ear - or whatever he was doing that was making Marco so pink - but the story was not so much of a distraction when Armin's fingers stilled in Eren's hair.

Having to concentrate on listening to Connie argue with Sasha about who really found the haemorrhoid cream mixed in with the tubes of toothpaste was much more tiresome when Armin wasn't combing through his hair and lulling him to half-wakefulness. The story wasn't really that interesting, not even when Sasha vocalised an apparent haemorrhoid cream explosion that Connie merged into a dubstep remix, and it was harder and harder to tear his eyes away from Jean's attempts to seductively tear chicken off the bone as he wiggled his eyebrows at Marco.

Jean mumbled something about getting more chicken and quietly asked if anybody needed anything else before dashing off to the kitchen. He was being selfish as always but at least this evening he hadn't given up all pretence of politely asking if anybody needed a drink refill.

Marco smiled indulgently at Connie as he concluded the haemorrhoid cream story. He must have been listening all along which made Eren feel worse because some idiot wasn't leching all over him and he hadn't been able to give Connie much of his attention at all. It wasn't that he was being distracted by Jean though, it was Armin and Armin's complete lack of presence in the room.

Eren tilted his head in Armin's lap, sent Mikasa a furtive glance but all he got in return was her shrugging and shushing him as though she had no idea what he wanted to know. Her pretending was in vain though, Eren had long ago worked out that Mikasa always knew everything.

As much as Eren wanted to press the issue, silently because they were in company and Eren wasn't rude, Mikasa looked away. She had perfected the art of ignoring Eren after all these years and it seemed she had taken on Armin as an apprentice. Five times, Eren grabbed at Armin's hands, prying his fingers from his phone to plant them firmly back in his hair. Five times, Eren deflated because Armin reclaimed his hands and was soon furiously tapping at his phone.

"That's enough," Eren announced as he tore his eyes away from Marco squirming away from Jean's salsa flavoured kisses. "Who the hell are you texting?"

Even Connie and Sasha looked over with keen interest but Armin continued to tap away on his phone. It was not until Mikasa swatted at Armin's shoulder that the man even looked up from his phone, the secretive grin he wore sliding from his face.

"What?"

"If you're not going to play with my hair properly then why am I sitting in front of you?"

Granted, Eren had plonked himself on the floor between Armin's legs within seconds of Armin seating himself, and maybe Eren had tipped his head back and all but manoeuvred Armin's hands until they were in his hair, but that was sort of beside the point. Eren needed all the comforting he could get and after having to root around in Jean's bedroom to find his favourite t-shirt and walking out of the bedroom to see Jean hemming Marco against the wall and nuzzling his neck. Eren wasn't an idiot but he didn't come to Jean's stupid get together to see this. There were other people around and obviously Jean was a terrible host. It had been up to Eren to offer drinks and order pizza and if he wanted a bit of a nap - and he wanted Armin to facilitate his napping - he was well within his rights.

"Why are you sitting in front of me?"

"Armin!"

"I didn't even want to be here tonight, Eren. I came to be nice but I was trying to make plans with somebody else, you know."

"No," Eren said as he shuffled around on his bum and was able to point his finger at Armin. "I don't know, actually. When did you turn into such a prick? Mikasa did you know about this?"

"About Armin being a prick or about the plans he was making?"

"I don't know. Both."

Mikasa hummed for a moment and pushed Sasha's feet out of her lap. Sasha squawked and threw herself back into Connie's chest as though nothing had scandalised her more. It didn't get her very much attention because Mikasa said, "Yes, I knew. He's got this thing with some girl he met a few weeks ago. I knew he was a prick because he asked me to distract one of the friends while he tried to get his leg over."

"Mikasa!" Armin screeched just as Eren bellowed, "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

"Hey, shut up, Eren, I have neighbours you know," Jean said. At least Marco had the decency to look apologetic for the fact they weren't engaging with their, or rather Jean's, guests. "Then again, you've never-"

Connie shushed Jean, waving his hand without looking in the man's direction as he hissed, "I'm trying to listen here. You always make me miss stuff."

"Wah, wah, you always make me miss stuff," Jean mimicked. Marco prodded Jean's shoulder and made an annoyed sound and Eren might have filed away the fact that only that was enough for Jean to shut up. That wasn't important though.

"That's disgusting, Armin," Eren said. Then, "So did it... did you manage to 'get your leg over'?"

Armin was clutching his phone in his hand and the tension in his shoulders was unusual, but he wasn't hiding the redness of his face. He was looking straight at Eren, brazen. He wasn't saying anything though.

It was Mikasa who said, "No. It was so funny. She has this really loud friend who spent the evening sitting between them and talking about car insurance or something."

"I can't believe you were willing to... prostitute someone just so you could not have sex."

"I didn't 'prostitute' her-"

"Well how exactly did you suggest Mikasa distracted this 'friend'?"

Armin couldn't get out a single syllable and for once it was because his brain had failed him rather than others interrupting him. The frustrated flush and the gritted teeth were as new as the speechlessness and Eren wondered whether Armin had even considered creating an explanation for this. 

"It's alright," Mikasa said with a heavy hand on Eren's shoulder. "No harm done."

"No harm? Mikasa-"

"In all honesty I think that friend was supposed to serve as a distraction too but the car insurance one turned up too. It's fine, Eren. Annie is a really nice girl."

"Who the hell is Annie?"

Even Connie snorted at Eren's question then. It took a moment but Eren realised where the conversation was going and tried to ignore the heat in his face.

So what if Annie was a nice girl? If she was so nice maybe she was too nice to be with Armin who was apparently a danger to people were friends with him. Eren wondered whether he was somebody Armin would ask favours like these for just so he could not sleep with girls who were probably too good for him.

 

 

When Eren barged into Mikasa's flat it was to find her with a lap full of Sasha and Eren wondered whether he was interrupting one of those "girls night in" things. He had walked in on one of those before but it involved a lot less clothing and a lot more whipped cream. All Eren had been able to do that time was stutter through his reasoning that they were supposed to be painting each other's nails and watching DVDs until Mikasa lunged at him and shoved him back out the door.

After pausing in the doorway, Eren decided that he would have been forcefully removed from the flat by now if he wasn't supposed to be here so he went to the kitchen, grabbed a half-stale bag of Doritos and made himself at home on the floor in front of the television.

"What are you doing here?" Mikasa asked, her fingers not faltering for a moment as she combed through Sasha's hair. Clearly she was much better at this than Armin was.  

"I'm spending time with my dearest friends."

"The last time we were in a room together you called me a nosy little shrew," Sasha grumbled.

"I meant it affectionately."

"You have no affection for shrews or their noses," Sasha grumbled. Mikasa shushed her gently and a few moments later Eren heard Sasha mewl.

Eren kept his eyes glued to the television and loudly commented that if he had to be a character from Emmerdale he would choose Charity Dingle. When he asked the other two, without turning around to look at them just on case there was something he didn't want to see happening behind him, he only received an irritated "shut up" as a reply. That was fine. Eren could shut up. He was totally good and shutting up and he even turned up the volume on the TV because the room would get so quiet because Eren was so good at shutting up.

It was too quiet behind Eren now but he daren't peek over his shoulder just in case the quiet was actually a dangerous thing.

Eren wasn't really a fan of watching soaps but he didn't mind catching up on the omnibuses at the weekend if they were on. Things were actually quite gripping in the Dales, so Eren could be forgiven for not noticing the first two times his phone vibrated in his pocket. The third time he did fumble it out of his pocket to see who was texting him.

'You're totally not annie.'

Then, 'So your name's really eren? Thats quite an unusual name.'

And, 'Sorry. I'll stop now.'

The texts had all been sent within three minutes of each other and already it seemed Reiner had been discouraged. For some reason Eren could only feel annoyed about it. He had nothing better to do though, so he sent a reply.

'its not that unusual. not as unusual as getting texts from a granddad'

'Granddad?'

'reiner is an old man name. in my head youre in a rocking chair sending texts from one of the first mobiles. you know one of those bricks attached to a breifcase'

'I'm not a granddad. I don't think you can even text on those briefcase phones'

'you would know granddad'

'You're really mean. You're so mean. If i were an old man i would be crying right now.' It was a whole minute before the next one that said, 'But i'm not an old man so i'm not crying'

'im sorry. your next meals on wheels will be on me'

'Wow thanks you're so generous'

'i am known for being very generous'

There was a loud bang. A giggle. A violent "Shush". It might have been time to leave.

It was difficult for Eren to navigate himself out of Mikasa's flat and ensure the door was locked behind him whilst he sent texts to Reiner - apparently not an old man, though this had not been confirmed as a fact - but Eren was willing to take up the challenge to avoid being dragged into discomfort by a stray pair of knickers as he left.

 

 

Marco gasped sharply over the sound of Take That piping through the tinny stereo that sat on Jean's chest of drawers. Eren had always known that the CDs really did belong to Jean - the story about him looking after them for his mum always sounded flimsy - but he had never even thought of them being used this way.

Maybe he had imagined Jean as someone who plays cheesy boyband music as he cooks dinner for someone, but the reality was Jean clumsily pawing at Marco's chest and grinding his face into the space between his hands. He was ridiculous and Eren was beyond glad that Jean had never done that to him before.

Though there was a heaviness in his stomach that didn't quite make sense. This didn't mean anything. Rather, the thing between Jean and Eren didn't mean anything so Eren had no right to feel... whatever this was.

In a way it was interesting to see how Jean was with another person but any attempt to deepen the interest was a wasted effort considering the heaviness which was impossible to ignore.

The next time Marco gasped didn't have all that much to do with Jean. HIs eyes locked with Eren's as Jean latched onto his neck. Very quickly Eren pressed his finger to his lips and silently shushed him. There was a moment of hesitation but Marco nodded, ever so slight, it could have been an imagined assent, and Eren backed out of the doorway. He was silent as could be as he left the flat.

 

 

Yesterday, Eren had been meaning to apologise. He couldn't really deny that the reason he had gone to Jean's flat was to say sorry and hopefully reinstate his daily lift to work. Making his own way to work each day was getting tiresome now that the surprisingly expensive bus fare was starting to eat into his income.

Yesterday, Eren remembered that he had nothing to apologise for. Jean being an asshole was not something Eren should have to put up with and apologise for. Walking in on Jean clumsily mauling Marco made Eren realise that it was weird that he had a key to Jean's flat. They weren't even friends. It was just bizarre that he had so much stuff in Jean's flat. The whole thing was just odd and unnecessary.

So Eren decided that the constant presence of those thoughts counted as a headache and told his manager he was going home early. Home was just a brief stop to pick up a backpack on his way to Jean's.

Jean usually didn't get home until five o'clock, so Eren made sure to be gone by half past four. It took longer than expected to root around for everything he remembered bringing over. Each time he spotted a familiar sprout of t-shirt, pulling it out of the mole-hill of clothes it was in revealed yet more of Eren's clothes. By the end of the search it seemed that there were more of Eren's clothes in Jean's flat than at home. He'd fixed that though, dropping the front door key between the sofa cushions before slamming the door shut and carrying his bulging backpack home.

 

At around quarter past six Eren's phone vibrated under his pillow. Blinking the blur from his eyes, Eren unlocked his phone and wondered what pearl of wisdom he was about to ignore from Jean. It wasn't some half-baked proverb about double dipping pizza crusts. It was a picture. White scales of light floating on a canal separated from the pink sky by the rolling black undulations of rows of trees. What followed it was a short message.

'In case you don't wake up in time to see one this year.'

The sun may have been weakly wheedling its way around the corners of Eren's curtains but that did not mean it was actually a humane time to be awake. At that moment he regretted the moment of naivety when he told Reiner that he struggled with early mornings because this was proabbly the third morning that week that Reiner had sent him a photograph of an early morning. Not even sun rises. Eren had Googled sunrise times for that week and he was glad to know he wasn't slowly being driven mad by texts at five AM. Then again he was being driven mad by texts and quarter past six and that was just as bad.

'i hate you so much right now'

'a few more early mornings ought to turn that hate into a more positive energy.'

'one day you will realise that humans actually need to sleep at ngiht'

'lets test out that theory tomorrow morning'

 

 

For both the gas and electricity in Eren's flat to run out at the same time, he must have done something wrong in a past life. That must have been it because he always made sure to put enough money on the meter and never let it run down to anywhere near zero.

But then again, the last time he had checked the meters there was around three pounds on both. He couldn't quite remember how long ago that had been. Checking how much money was left on the gas and electricity meters hadn't been at the forefront of his mind - especially odd considering it was now the third week of the month and this was the time of the month that every penny counted.

Despite the fact that it was unseasonably cold, Eren went out. He pressed the gas card and electricity key to the lining of his pocket alongside the last two fivers he had. As he walked to the corner shop his fingers constantly strayed to his pockets to feel at the contents and check that everything was still there. He was perhaps too preoccupied with checking his pockets though because as he was about to enter the shop he walked straight into someone.

"Sorry, sorry," Eren mumbled as he stepped out of the way. The man grunted something that could as easily have been irritation as an apology of his own. He was huge and Eren knew when to let things go. One of the best times to let things go was when the other person in a potential altercation was a mountain of muscle and maybe a tiny bit ruggedly handsome. Not that being handsome had anything to with it. Eren was handsome too, and he was quite muscular, it was just that both of those attributes were more delicate on him.

Eren probably should have taken his chances on the huge guy though. The second he stepped foot in the shop, his vision was flooded with soft lighting as thousands of petals fluttered and whirled in the space in front of the counter as a choir of cherubs gently cooed. Another version of events was that Marco was paying for a bottle of Lambrini and glanced in the direction of the door in time to greet Eren as he entered. Both versions were equally irritating and It was difficult to reasonably say why.

"Hiya, Eren!"

Eren could only muster a half-mumbled reply to Marco's exuberance. He peered at the chocolate bars on the shelves right at the front of the shop, bending close so he appeared focused enough to not want to get pulled into awkward conversations. Hopefully Marco would leave soon because the ten pounds in Eren's pocket was getting heavier but it wouldn't get any further than the meter top-ups he had intended to buy. He could only be thankful that it wasn't a repeat of last month when he had to scrape together pennies he found in the pockets of discarded clothes and wedged under the skirting boards.

"How have you been?" Marco asked. Eren had no reason to be rude so he turned to face Marco, to see him rocking back on his heels and clutching at the blue carrier bag the shop keeper had given to him.

"Fine. How about you?"

"I have been good. Yeah. Thanks for asking." There was no need for the thanks so Eren took a deep breath and tried not to get irritated at that. For all his politeness, it was difficult not to grit teeth and clench fists when Marco said things like, "Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened the other day."

"You have nothing to apologise for."

"I do though. I know how close you and Jean are and... well this is a little bit embarrassing, but I had found some clothes in his flat that clearly weren't his. He told me they were yours. At first I thought it was a little bit weird, especially considering your history, and I kept finding your stuff but I think maybe I just get jealous. You work together and you live two minutes away from each other and you are such a good friend to him. He needs someone who can make themselves at home with him and knows him that well. He's a bit shy when it comes to-"

"Marco, please-"

"No, no," Marco cooed as he grabbed at Eren's elbows and anchored him to the space right in front of him. The bottle in the carrier bag thudded heavily against Eren's leg and breathlessly, silently, automatically, Marco apologised for that but he kept saying the things that made Eren's insides squirm away from the effervescent words. "He's not brilliant at the whole friends thing, but he has you. The others are great too, but I think he needs you. So don't worry about it. Next time I will make sure we don't do stuff like that in the middle of the afternoon. If something happens I'll text you to warn you or something, okay?"

Marco was smiling but this one was an unusual fit on his face. This smile was more guarded and his cheeks were struggling to maintain the pose.

"Honestly-" Eren cleared his throat and tried again because he didn't like the way that sounded. "You don't need to apologise or make special arrangements. Do whatever. You like him. He really likes you, he doesn't stop going on about you-"

Marco's countenance melted into an infinitely more natural expression. It was a smile he tried to hide as his angled his face away and bit his lip shyly. Nice that he had the luxury of hiding things.

"- and it's none of my business. The only reason I even had a key was because I live the closest to him and he kept locking himself out of his flat. I don't... We're not friends. We're not that close, so don't mind me."

"You're not?"

Eren took a step back, freeing himself from Marco's grip, and grabbed a block of Dairy Milk before striding to the till to pay. He hesitated for a moment and decided that he wouldn't mind sacrificing the food in his freezer for hot water. "I'll have this, a lucky dip for tonight and five pounds on gas please," Eren said quickly to the shop keeper.

Marco was still waiting around when Eren had finished paying and Eren had no idea how soon he would be able to get rid of him.

"The lottery? I didn't peg you as a gambling man," Marco said as he followed Eren out of the shop.

"Does it count as gambling?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay."

There were surely only thirty more seconds where the two of them would be walking in the same direction. It felt like a lot longer though until they reached the corner where they would part. Marco lingered for a moment and reached out for Eren's arm.

"Would you like to come over for a drink?"

Eren's eyes flitted down to the blue carrier bag of Lambrini and he felt his lip curl. "No."

Marco dipped his head but the blush was evident in every fibre of his being. "I know it's a girly drink but there will be some lager too."

"Thanks for the offer, but no. Maybe next time."

"Yeah? Okay. I look forward to it."

There was a skip in Marco's step as he crossed the road. He looked back over his shoulder twice to wave. Eren should have already started home but he had waited to see both waves before Marco had disappeared around the corner.

When Eren got home, glaring at the useless electricity token in his fist as he topped up the gas meter, he was still wondering what history Jean had revealed to Marco.

 

 

'You can say no but i have a favour to ask.'

Eren's face had pulled itself into an odd sort of smile. He was not going to say no

'Absolutley no pressure.' Reiner's second text said. Without waiting for a reply he sent another saying, 'Please don't say no. But it kind of is a really big favour.'

Eren plonked his cheese sandwich on the plate Mikasa had forced onto his lap. It instantly fell apart but Eren couldn't muster up the energy to be annoyed about that. He had to be quick about sending a reply because without any response, Reiner would only get timid and apologetic about sending texts.

'how big of a favour? i wont give you my organs'

'That's quite close actually'

'what is it?'

It took a while to get an explanation because Reiner was addressing it in such a roundabout way. But it wasn't as big a favour as Reiner had initially indicated. Or at least, it didn't seem one with such an explanation.

Eren could take time out of his entirely empty Saturday schedule to drop in at the gym where Reiner apparently worked. He could definitely feign interest in getting a gym membership just so Reiner could win a bet with his colleagues. So he said yes and immediately text Mikasa to ask if she had any appropriate clothing he could borrow.

 

 

Eren was in the gym for a total of six minutes before he excused himself. Safe inside a toilet cubicle, Eren could bang his head against the wall all he wanted.

He couldn't do this. This favour was too much. He should have asked to see a picture of Reiner before agreeing to meet. He needed to preparation.  He was not ready for this. He groaned and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes as though that would make Reiner any less attractive. It wouldn't work of course. He had already seen the truth and had spent every moment since meeting Reiner blushing and stuttering and trying not to look directly at him.

He needed someone to talk him through this.

"MIkasa, please help me."

"Where are you? Why are you whispering?"

"I'm in the toilet."

"For goodness sake, Eren, this wasn't funny the first time and it certainly isn't-"

"No, no, I'm not doing that again," Eren interrupted. This wasn't the time to get told off. This was the time to garner some moral support. "He is some sort of Adonis. I can't do this."

"Who is? Eren, what are you even talking about?"

Eren could only give a scattered version of events and he ignored every one of Mikasa's questions in favour of pressing ahead. He had already been in the toilet for too long. He didn't want Reiner to think he had come here and immediately gone to take a massive shit. This was embarrassing.

"If it was a competition to see who could get the most potential members, I'm sure he will be too busy with the other people he brought to pay you too much attention."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll just stick to something simple and be polite when I leave. Maybe you can text me with an emergency or something. If I stay here I'm scared I'm going to end up humping his leg."

Mikasa hummed and then said, "I'm torn between telling you that was too much information and telling you to just go for it. Hump his leg see what happens. You've already ruined your first impression by taking a twelve minute shit."

"What?" Eren looked at his phone and she was right. They had been on the phone for twelve minutes. Twelve minutes plus however long he had been here before he called Mikasa was bordering on ridiculous. "Fuck, what do I do?"

"Tell him you were asking your sister whether you should shag the hench gym instructor."

"You can stop talking now," Eren grunted as he hung up. He didn't waste any more time in the toilet and he shoved his phone in his gym bag before leaving the changing rooms. He was going to be fine. Reiner was spotting someone in the free weights area.

He sneaked past the rows of treadmills and cross-trainers. Dodging past the spin bikes was crucial seeing as he had to walk right behind Reiner. He made it safely to the normal exercise bikes that didn't demand blood, sweat and tears and set up camp there.

Everything was fine. He wasn't going to suffer from any lust-induced heart attacks. He was getting the hang of this cycling thing. Maybe he should join Mikasa's gym. She practically lived there and her body was insane, but it would be nice to casually attend. Maybe he could build up muscle definition and he would look good-

"Eren, hey."

"Fu-u-" Eren steadied himself on the bike and attempted to pretend Reiner's sudden appearance to his left hadn't scared the life out of him. "Hello."

"You disappeared for a while. I thought you might have left." Reiner was smiling as he said it but it was the kind of smile given with a false testimony of how great someone's cooking is.

"No, no. I wouldn't. Thank you for inviting me."

"Thanks for coming. Would you like some help or advice? I am sort of a professional, you know."

Eren's hand automatically moved away from Reiner's as it rested on the bike handle. That was stupid. He didn't know why he did that. He was not being natural or casual or even remotely normal. He inhaled sharply and formulated the most normal, casual response he could think of.

"I could probably use some advice. That's why I'm here, after all."

 

 

'Thank you so much for coming today.'

Eren slapped himself in the forehead and swallowed down the grin that was threatening to consume his whole body. He already had a second text from Reiner.

'Can we meet up?"

No. They absolutely could not meet up. Of course Eren wanted nothing more than to meet up but it wouldn't be good for anyone.

'tomorrow?'

 

 

Fuck. Eren was stupid. Not only did he regret agreeing to meet up with Reiner, but he was also going to be late for the meeting. It was only natural for him to have to wait twenty minutes for the bus and then see three buses drive around the corner. Three buses and not one of them could be on time for Eren to get into town after work.

Stupid, stupid, bad luck.

But Reiner wasn't disappointed when Eren approached the fountains where they had decided to meet. He stood from the bench, his shoulders relaxing and his face splitting into a wide grin the second he spotted Eren.

"Alright," Reiner greeted, an arm out as though to pull Eren closer. Eren wasn't falling for that old chestnut. A handshake. Perfect. Eren could handle this.

"Hi. Did you get many people to sign up for the gym after their trial days?"

Reiner sat again, shuffled to the side as though he needed to leave any room for Eren on the bench, and only answered once Eren was also seated. "We got enough people to join. Did you not feel like joining?"

What, and develop cardiovascular problems due to emotional strain? Not likely.

"Work keeps me kind of busy, you know."

"Really, that's a shame."

"So, why was it that you wanted to meet?" Eren asked, pushing his hands between his thighs and fixing his gaze straight ahead. "Is this just an extra push to get me to join the gym?"

Reiner sucked in air between his teeth and rubbed the back of his neck. It almost sounded like he was laughing but Eren couldn't be sure when he was looking anywhere but in Reiner's direction.

"Something like that, you know."

No. Eren had absolutely no idea. He hummed and said yes anyway.

"Just... It doesn't have to be at the gym, but it might be nice to see you again."

Eren was acutely aware of how his shoulders curved inwards and his voice was coy as he replied with. "We are seeing each other again right now."

"Yeah. Yeah. Obviously." Reiner huffed humourlessly

 

 

*

 

 

The mirror had been icy relief against Eren's cheek at first but the longer his face was mashed against the glass, the longer he had to lean forwards and use his hands to hold apart his ass cheeks, the longer Reiner's tongue was delving inside to pave way for his fingers, the warmer the glass got. It was no longer a cool relief against the sweat and the burning skin that had already been heated from an hour of actual exercise. This after-hours visit was a bit more than whatever Eren had been expecting. The foggy condensation on the glass was blurring his reflection so at least he was no longer catching his own eyes in the mirror and seeing how utterly debauched he looked.

He really did love being eaten out though.

Reiner was using one hand to massage and knead at the tensed muscle of Eren's left buttock and Eren had no idea that it would heighten the whole experience. He could probably come from this alone. All he needed was Reiner's mouth working at his asshole and his fingers pushing at his skin, gently circling pressure against his balls and alternating that with pushing thick fingers inside.

It was one of the rougher thrusts of Reiner's fingers inside Eren that made him whimper despite his efforts to keep quiet. Reiner pulled back and slapped at Eren's ass as he giggled. He actually giggled and it was maybe an unexpected sound from such a large man. Somehow that made Eren laugh too, a lazy, quiet sound. He let go of his ass and pushed against the mirror, trying his hardest not to notice how tufts of his dark hair were sticking up where Reiner had tugged and run his fingers through, or how his eyes were unfocused, or how his lips were bright red and slick with spit, and how the heat had risen in his cheeks and his forehead and sweat was dripping down his temples.

He reached back and clasped at one of Reiner's hands. "You should fuck me now."

"Should I?"

"Yes. Please."

Reiner laughed again, though this time it was more of a low hum than before and Eren tried not to freak out about just how hot Reiner was. He tried not to freak out about how Reiner was pushing up the hem of Eren's damp t-shirt and working his way up Eren's back in licks and bites.

"Do you want to do it here or should we move somewhere more comfortable?"

"I don't know. I don't care, just do me."

Reiner giggled again and nuzzled into the small of Eren's back. "Oh man, you're so hot. Did you know that you're really hot, did you?"

"What are you talking about, have you seen you?"

"I don't know what you mean. Hold on." Reiner pulled away and the contact made Eren feel a little lost. He peeked over his shoulder to see Reiner rolling a condom onto his dick. The sight made Eren whimper a little. Reiner was beautiful, Reiner was big and hopefully Reiner was seconds away from filling Eren up. "Okay, come here."

After shuffling over to lean against the mirror-less wall of the free-weights area, Reiner guided Eren down to straddle his hips and Eren hissed at the contact of their erections. He was so, so close and he was too sensitive for this messing about. He supported himself with a hand on Reiner's huge, solid chest as he manoeuvred himself to sink down on Reiner's cock. God, it was magnificent.

A low, guttural sound rolled from Eren's chest as he sank down, filled to the brim, absolutely no more room for anything else.

"Your dick is amazing," Eren said, maybe a little dumbly, and maybe because he couldn't really form any other thoughts.

"Thanks. It hasn't really done anything yet though," Reiner chuckled. He seemed to grow steadily redder and his eyes flitted away for a moment before Eren held Reiner's face in both of his hands. his thumbs stroked over the hard cheekbones that shaped his face into that powerful shape, and his right thumb moved down low enough to catch at Reiner's lower lip. The saliva there was hot and runny as Eren spread it about the pinkness of Reiner's lips. They shone after that and Eren maybe could marvel at Reiner's face, at his body, at his everything really for hours.

"Hey, look at me," Eren requested. Reiner did and he was so red in the face now that Eren was getting a bit concerned. Eren kept his eyes locked on Reiner's though, shifting his hips up and down and riding him so, so slowly. "Are you alright?"

Reiner nodded, averted his eyes and flushed an even deeper red.

"I'd have probably started coming to the gym sooner if I had known it was this good."

At least Reiner laughed this time and Eren disguised his pleased smile in the kiss he pressed to the man's mouth.

Eren's legs were already feeling too weak to keep up their pace and he wondered whether next time he should be on his back before Reiner licks into him with that oh-so-talented mouth of his. Each time he lifted his hips made the sinking down onto Reiner's throbbing cock even sweeter. The friction was just perfect and the ache of being stretched this wide was new. Reiner's girth was joined by the blunt press of fingers that Eren wouldn't be able to stop thinking about for a long time.

 

 

Eren calmly sipped his lemonade because he wasn't troublesome. He wasn't the type of person to storm into a Nando's and start yelling at his mum because she was out to lunch with somebody. Eren wasn't that sort of person at all but Jean very clearly was.

"Jean, calm down," Helene Kirstein chided. The was a bit pink in the face and it wasn't fair of Jean to make his own mother feel like this. She shouldn't have had to be embarrassed because her son couldn't control his tantrums at the ripe old age of twenty three.

"I won't calm down! Why are you eating lunch with him?"

"We bumped into each other and we decided to stop for lunch."

"At Nando's? You never take me to Nando's!"

"I took you to Chiquito's last week. And we go to Pizza Express all the time."

"Shut up, Mum! That's not the point!"

"Then what is the point?"

"Jean," Eren interjected before Jean could say something careless and cutting. "Stop shouting at your mum. It's not a big deal that we went shopping and came for lunch."

"You went shopping?" Jean all but roared.

"Sit down," Helene hissed.

"But, mum!"

"Sit."

Jean pouted but he plonked himself next to his mother on the deep red bench against the wall. He picked up a menu and snapped it open  before handing it back to his mum and saying, "Just get me a burger or something."

Helene raised her eyebrows at her son and Jean grudgingly muttered, "Please."

"How spicy do you want it?"

Jean gave Eren an appraising look as though he could guess whatever Eren had chosen and then pick a level above that in order to prove himself as a man. Eren wasn't an idiot. He had gone for mild because he knew his own limits and he wasn't one for contests like that - not that he'd had any idea Jean would turn up. If Jean really wanted to prove himself as a man he could learn to take a punch without crying about it like the little baby he was, or better yet he could go an order his food and not sulk because his mum had a social life.

Eventually, Jean replied, "Extra hot."

Eren scoffed and Jean's mother asked, "Are you sure?"

A moment's hesitation. Jean grumbled, "Mild."

Helene nodded and briskly walked to the till at the front to order food for her absolute baby of a son. Jean on the other hand put a lot of effort into glowering at Eren before finally snapping, "Why are you on a date with my mum or something?"

"We're not on a date. I just like her. She's funny."

"What do you mean you like her? Do you regularly go on dates? Are you planning to marry her or something? Do you want me to be your step-son? Are you going to sneak into my bedroom at night, you creep? Are you going to ask me to say 'oh, daddy, fuck me harder!' because you're sick in the head?"

Maybe the situation wouldn't have been as bad if Jean's eyes hadn't been half-lidded as he adopted a falsetto and practically humped his seat. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't in a restaurant that was unsurprisingly full. Maybe it would not have been so bad if Jean's mother hadn't returned to the table at that moment. Or maybe it would not have been so bad if Jean learnt to shut his stupid mouth.

"Jean," Helene hissed. "We're in public and I would very much like you to stop acting like a buffoon."

"Sorry, mum."

She sighed exasperatedly and heaved herself onto the bench tiredly. Eren could sympathise because he would hate to have a son like Jean. It wasn't really the best time to voice those sorts of thoughts so Eren settled for belatedly saying, "Sorry, Helene."

"Oi, don't call my mum 'Helene'-"

"Oh, Eren, you haven't done anything wrong," She signed as she reached across the table to pat his hand. "You know how boys of his age-"

"Mum! Why are you touching his hand? Stop that!"

"Jean!"

Jean tutted and glared at Eren. Usually Eren would have cracked a smile at that because once upon a time, Jean had tried sucking his teeth at something his mother said to him but failed miserably, earning him a clip 'round the ear from his mum and a lifetime of ribbing from Eren. This time Eren didn't laugh because laughing in the past had got him to places he would rather not go now.

"I'm ever so sorry for you having to spend time with my son."

"Don't worry about it," Eren smiled, noting just how sincere the woman was actually being. "I haven't really seen him lately."

"Why ever not? I know he is a bit of a handful at times but I would like it if you could still be friends, so please forgive whatever it is he has done this time."

"I'm not a kid," Jean grumbled. Petulant, like a child.

"He hasn't done anything," Eren replied. He could hear the tone that always coloured his voice when he was trying to seem more honest. "It's just that I have met someone and I don't think they are quite ready to handle Jean yet."

"Ah," Helene agreed solemnly. "I completely understand. I hope it turns out well for you."

"What are you talking about?" Jean scoffed. "You haven't met anybody."

Eren paused. He liked the way this smile fit his face perfectly. Jean didn't like it. He curled his lip and rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath until his mother swatted his arm. Eren scratched at the tickle of hair at the back of his neck and cleared his throat. He said, "We are just very friendly at the moment. I like him and I think he feels the same, so, I'd say that I have met somebody. Not that it really has anything to do with you, Jean."

"It is because you keep acting like this that Eren won't introduce you to his boyfriends," Helene tutted. "Feel free to ignore my son for as long as you see fit."

Eren snorted loud enough to cover up Jean's swear.

 

 

Eren didn't dislike Annie. That was absolutely not allowed seeing as she was Armin's girlfriend, but he could not help but thinking that she was a bit strange. She had been silent the whole time she had been perched in the corner of Mikasa's sofa. It would have made sense if she was there alone, but Sasha had been squawking in Mikasa's lap for quite some time and Eren might have been able to ignore something as commonplace as this, but Annie's fist was clenched on the arm of the sofa as she bored holes in the carpet.

Maybe there was something really interesting going on in the floor below, but Eren doubted it. An old lady lived below Mikasa and Eren doubted she was any sort of interesting. She might have been interesting whenever she got drunk and pressed Werther's Originals and five bound notes into Eren's hands when he was leaving. The old lady hadn't been in a drinking mood lately and her glare had followed Eren all the way up the first flight of stairs. Unless she had shown Annie some better hospitality.

Mikasa hissed and swatted the back of Sasha's head for perhaps the fifth time as she tugged her hair into a tight braid and even the sound Sasha made did not drag Annie's eyes up from the floor. It certainly got Eren's attention though. It would have been hard for Eren to ignore being kicked in the face as Sasha squirmed and squealed and smeared purple nail polish over Eren's cheek.

"I am going to punch you so hard."

Mikasa clamped her hand over Sasha's wail but that only ended up shoving hair in Sasha's mouth. She kicked out at Eren's face again.

"Do you think I am joking?" Eren roared over strained whines of "Sorry! It was an accident."

Eren had managed to scramble up but before he could launch himself at Sasha he felt the arms strapped around his chest and holding him back. He had managed to work out it was Annie before he glared over his shoulder but decided he should probably refrain from glaring at her in the future as he felt himself wither under her far more intimidating gaze.

It was stupid because obviously he wasn't going to do anything. Making Sasha squeal and flail overdramatically was the goal but Annie made it weird. Eren shook her off gently and muttered some excuse about getting a drink before slipping out of the room.

Now it was weird and awkward and Eren wasn't even sure why he was here. He peeked out of the kitchen door a few times but didn't linger too long in case he was spotted. He was still hiding in the kitchen when he heard new arrivals. He dipped back into the living room in time to see two women he recognised hugging and greeting everybody.  He hadn't formally met either of them but he sort of knew them, more in terms of the fact that they knew Reiner. He wasn't going to question how people he knew had become acquainted with other people he sort of knew because stupid things like this had been happening to him more and more often.

Historia was all angelic lightness and warmth, much like she was in the few pictures he had seen on Reiner's laptop, and she spotted him first. Unfortunately after that Ymir collared him, loudly exclaiming, "You know, Eren, you should have told us your sister was so sexy. Would never have guessed by looking at you."

Eren frowned at Mikasa before pulling a face at Ymir. He hadn't a clue what Ymir was talking about. He also could not remember properly meeting Ymir aside from the quick greeting in front of the photograph Ymir claimed she had told Reiner to take. At the time she had been too drunk to stand without the support of the wall behind her and Eren hadn't thought the quick wave, Ymir's slurred proclamation and Reiner's tactical retreat were much to remember.

"I don't think I told you I had a sister," Eren said slowly. Considering he hadn't even told Ymir he had a sister it made it all the stranger that she would be at his sister's flat. of course, Mikasa was being as secretive as ever and ignoring Eren's telepathic pleas for an explanation.

"You didn't? Well it must have been the other one then."

"The other who?"

"You know. The blonde one."

Armin. Eren had not actually seen Armin for a number of weeks so it was a shame that the next time they would meet Eren would need to kill Armin. Armin should have at least been here as a social buffer for Eren's surprise visit to Mikasa's if he insisted on becoming bosom buddies with loud ladies who happened to be visiting at the same time.

 

 

One of the things Eren loved about hanging out with Reiner was that the guy was funny, and attentive, and sometimes they didn't have sex. Eren loved getting fucked but it wasn't until Reiner that he really appreciated how good not being fucked was.

His first mistake was having his first sexual experience with Jean, an attempt to refute Jean's claims to have been 'mind-blowing in bed', and then assuming the world began and ended with that. His second mistake was - only mentally of course - admitting that Jean was in fact mind-blowing in bed, despite having nothing to compare him to. His third mistake was not even considering that other people might do things differently, and subjectively better.

Eren had learnt to love the way that when watching a film Reiner would stretch back across the sofa and hold Eren to his side. Reiner would usually cook for the both of them, not particularly trusting of Eren's skills or attention-span when it came to preparing food, and he would explain all the nutritious values of everything as he chopped and mashed and sliced and simmered. After dinner, Reiner would wash up and end up flicking great globs of suds at Eren to get him to stop talking about how great the meal was. Eren liked the way Reiner would crook his finger under Eren's chin, tilt his face up and chastely kiss him on the forehead, the lips, the cheek. Sometimes Reiner would take it further. Sometimes they would go to bed and fall asleep. In the mornings, Reiner would always offer to pay for a taxi to take Eren to work but often Eren thanked him, shook his head and reminded him he had a bus pass that was good enough.

It was nice.

 

 

"So why is it that you were late today?" Reiner asked, casually, almost as an afterthought as he leaned back against the station wall and tilted his head up to look at the sky rather than the tracks before him.

"I had to help my mum clear out my old room."

"Did you have to do that today?"

There was something about Reiner that seemed a bit petulant, as though he had a problem with Eren's reasoning that he had to see his mother that day. Eren looked up at Reiner just in time to see him avert his gaze and rub at his nose.

"My mum is very important to me. You will have to meet her some time and you will understand."

"Important enough to make your boyfriend wait for hours."

Eren found himself blushing though it wasn't the first time Reiner had used the word 'boyfriend' yet each time Eren heard it he felt too hot but very pleased.  Eren hadn't really been keeping track of how long it had been since Reiner started using that word but his mother had asked him, poked and prodded until she got an answer, and Eren estimated it had been two months now.

Two months since Reiner had first said the word to Eren, full of bravado at first and then increasingly more timid about it as the conversation went on. Maybe three months since he had last had any substantial interaction with Jean.

Carla Jaeger had swatted her son's arm and asked why she hadn't known about this earlier. In the next breath she was telling Eren to throw away boxfuls of sentiment because they were taking up too much room and his old school projects were doing nobody a jot of good while they were taking up precious space in her soon-to-be yoga room/study. The job was duty and tiresome, but nothing Eren wasn't used to. His mother chatted his ear off the whole time about how she could tell he wasn't eating properly and how what she had been up to in his absence. It had been nice catching up, and Eren hadn't the heart to leave when he was supposed to when the job was only half-done.

"I'd say she is about that important. I really am sorry."

"You've said," Reiner muttered. "You could have called me or something. You could have even sent me a text. 'Sorry, babe, can't make it to that super-important thing you invited me too,' something like that."

"Babe?"

"Whatever," Reiner said. His scowl softened until it was almost a smile when he said, "You don't call me anything other than my name and a cute little pet-name would have softened the blow."

"Oh, really?"

"Something simple and sweet. Babe, Honey, Number One Fitty, Sexy beast... take your pick."

"You think you're the number one 'fitty' do you?" Eren grinned.

 There was a rumble. A train passed on the opposite platform.

Eren really was sorry that he had been late to the showcase to see Reiner's photography but he did see it. He got to see Reiner's prints on the wall alongside dreary black and white shots where the focus was contemplation and oversaturated, near-blinding photographs where the theme was the fragility of something or other. He had read all the little descriptions posted on the walls in neat white squares to the right of each print.

He had recognised bits and pieces of Reiner's friends in the photographs though he didn't recognise any theme to the pictures and the descriptions confused Eren further. He couldn't see what Annie sitting in an abandoned bathtub next to a canal had to do with Historia's braids interwoven with white feathers. At least the woman whose series of shots of people's backs painted with the evils of the world - wars and famine and politicians - showed an obvious relation even if Eren didn't quite get that either.

He didn't mind though. It was nice that Reiner's photography was something Eren had to wrack his brains about. It was nice that there were things in the world he didn't know a thing about but Reiner so desperately wanted Eren to learn about it and share it with him.

There was a photograph that Eren had secretly being hoping to see at the showcase after seeing Reiner spend hours editing it on his laptop. It was maybe selfish because it was a sight he saw all-too regularly but it was one Reiner had thought of as something to capture. What stood, rolled-up, next to Eren's book case was something that had been a prayer mat a generation or so ago and despite his more secular interests he was just sentimental enough to keep it. It was something else Eren's mother had intended to throw away but Eren had hidden it among his belongings as he left, much in the same way she had done when she had left her parents' home.

It was something of Eren's and all those times he had watched Reiner edit the photograph he wondered whether there was any significance to it. He was beginning to wonder whether there was anything to its absence but now probably wasn't the time to ask.  

It wasn't too cold but Eren was tired from a day of clearing out rubbish and then having to rush to get to the showcase. He leaned into Reiner's shoulder and wondered whether Reiner was actually a bit miffed about him being late. Reiner nudged Eren's head away and draped his arm across Eren's shoulders and pulled him tighter against his side.

"I won't be late again," Eren mumbled. "I'm sorry I wasn't there from the start, Number One Fitty."

 

 

Getting in trouble was not a habit of Eren's. He did what he was told because it made things easier and he assumed people would pay him the same courtesy. He had started off doing what he was told but somehow that didn't make things easy at all.

Eren's boss's boss didn't seem to be running out of steam half an hour into the rollicking he was giving Eren and Jean. Jean looked a bit miffed by the whole thing but Eren was mortified. He always did what was right. Maybe not on this occasion, but he tried to usually. Unfortunately he had done something very wrong and he couldn't really place all the blame on Jean. Eren could have said no.

Eren should have said no.

But he hadn't said no at all. He grudgingly agreed to team up with Jean because Connie was sick and despite making the most of his carpentry qualification elsewhere, his manager said they could handle things without him for one day so why not go back to ripping out mouldy old kitchens for a day. Eren wasn't particularly bothered either way but his manager said it was fine and Jean had volunteered him for the role, so why not?

Why not get into Jean's van and have a stupid argument about who was wearing the most expensive shoes? Why not have everything go smoothly for the morning? Why not conceal uncertainty and interrogate Jean about why they were taking a wrong turn down an off-road track? Why not give into the smirk and the velvety tone and the promise that it would just be the last time? Why not make the most of getting thoroughly fucked in the back of Jean's van?

Because the construction company they were sub-contracted to had a tracking device of some sort in the van. Because everyone with even the most inconsequential sphere of authority knew that they weren't where they were supposed to be. Because Eren's knees were aching and bruised from kneeling on the unforgiving wooden floor in the back of the van. Because at the end of the day it wasn't really worth it and he was with Reiner. 

Despite his disaffected brooding, Jean didn't have an answer as to why they were somewhere they shouldn't have been. He was the driver so he should have had something to say for himself. Eren wasn't going to admit to cheating on his boyfriend. First and foremost he wasn't going to admit that he and Jean had ever done anything of that sort, especially not during working hours. But he was the first, maybe only one, to think up an excuse.

"Jean had a panic attack," he said. "I don't have a license so I drove us to somewhere that it wasn't technically illegal for me to drive. "

Eren kept his voice steady and stared straight ahead as he spoke. Jean made a non-committal gesture and Eren wondered how that was supposed to strengthen the story in any way. They managed to leave the office quite quickly after that though. The man in charge deemed the excuse fine for that day. He said he would discuss it with others though it was unlikely they would get out of this without a suspension or getting their pay docked in some way.

Fine. That was absolutely fine. Eren had other stuff to worry about.

Jean didn't appear to have the same worries. When they were outside Jean whistled and patted Eren on the back. Eren darted away and through gritted teeth said, "Don't touch me. Don't you fucking touch me."

"Eren..."

"I have a boyfriend, Jean. And I cheated on him. Clearly that doesn't mean much to you even after all these months of you begging for a chance to suck Marco's dick but I know it was wrong."

Jean was still for a moment. His face twisted into a hideous snarl and his nails dug into Eren's shoulder as he made to grab him."Don't you fucking dare make this all my fault. You were hardly passive in this. It wasn't a case of you just letting me fuck you. You were more than willing."

Eren already knew he had encouraged the situation. He knew that it wasn't just Jean's fault. Nobody needed to tell him that he was at fault, that he was wrong, that he was so disgustingly untrustworthy. Eren already knew all of this and all he could do was shove Jean off. All he could do was retreat to the warehouse until he heard Jean's car roaring through the spoiler as he sped off the car park.

 

 

"I have something to tell you."

Reiner sat up and looked curious. Eren was hoping somehow he could get out of confessing by alluding to it during the throes of passion. Reiner might have taken it better that way. But his dick slipped out of Eren a bit and Eren felt a little bit foolish lying back with his legs akimbo under Reiner's imploring gaze. Because Reiner didn't like secrets or being kept out of the loop and he was always desperate to know everything.

"What is it?"

There was too much attention being paid to the interruption and Eren needed a way to backtrack. Reiner smoothed his hands down Eren's sides and for all his soothing gestures it was obvious to see how desperate he was to hear what Eren had to say.

Eren shook his head and closed his eyes. "It doesn't matter."

"I'll be the judge of that. If something's bothering you I want to know about it," Reiner rebuffed, nudging into Eren.

This wasn't the answer. Eren shook his head again and blindly reached to pull Reiner down. His eyes fluttered open at Reiner's mouth on his shoulder and he eventually said, "Later. I'll tell you tomorrow."

 

 

Reiner's distance that night was understandable, but after a couple of hours of sleep he would usually be smacking his lips and pulling Eren to his chest. Instead, Eren had lain awake and taken note of how very still Reiner had been since they went to bed. And then from over Eren's shoulder Reiner said, "I can't wait until tomorrow. What's wrong?"

There was no point in lying, not really. The guilt of keeping his indiscretion from Reiner would continue to gnaw away at his sanity for as long as he avoided admitting what he had done. Reiner was dying to know and even if Eren did make some excuse he would only have to admit it at some point in the future and still have to put up with the consequences.

"At work I sort of got into a lot of trouble."

"Yeah? You didn't get the sack did you?"

"No. Not yet."

"It can't all be that bad." Relief coloured Reiner's tone and that only made it worse.

"It's worse. I... I got in trouble because I had sex with somebody at work. I cheated on you."

The sound of bedsprings creaking was jarring and Eren could not help his flinching. He relaxed his hand from the fist it tensed into at Reiner's wordless reaction. He concentrated on breathing at a normal rate even though he was forgetting how respiration was supposed to work. He made a mental inventory of where his clothes had ended up when he took them off that evening. He tried to work out how long it would take him to get dressed and out but the numbers eluded him.

Reiner hissed.

"Fuck."

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up."

Eren moved very slowly as he pushed the covers back. Maybe Reiner picked up on how Eren was creeping as though he was alone with a wild animal - an unbroken horse - some mistreated creature with a new companion in his cage, because he snapped his hand out to grab at Eren's elbow.

"Go to sleep. Just. Fuck."

"I..."

"You what?" Reiner snarled. Eren flinched and ever so slightly wriggled his fingers to shake off the numbness. "Just get in bed and get to sleep. You're not going anywhere at two in the morning."

 

 

Four days after Eren had confessed to Reiner they agreed to meet. Eren had been sent home from work again and he decided that it was as good a time as any to reply to Reiner's solitary text, tell him it would be great to see him.

There were a handful of picnic tables outside the gym Reiner worked at. At this time of year they were cold and lonely. This was a rare day of the weather worn wood not been water-logged and swollen. Reiner had once admitted that the gym staff had build the picnic tables and put them in the ground and after realising they had made a crucial mistake they had never got around to weather-proofing them. Eren wished they had at least attempted to give  some part of the wood a lick of varnish.  He was picking a fresh splinter from the side of his finger when Reiner finally meandered outside into the frigid afternoon.

"Hi," Eren said, quickly pressing his hands into his lap and ignoring the irritated throb at the intrusion.

Reiner said nothing. He stared down at Eren for a long moment, sighed, then slid into the middle of the bench opposite Eren. There was a residual flush in his skin and Eren's eyes flicked down to the darker patches of cotton under Reiner's armpits and at the collar of his T-shirt. Perhaps he wasn't actually here to work today.

"You look good," Eren said. Reiner sniffed. If he wasn't going to talk, Eren didn't see the point of him texting the invitation in the first place. "How are you?"

"You said that I could meet your mum," Reiner muttered absently.

Eren sucked in a breath. The air that filled his lungs was needle sharp and as it entered his blood-stream he felt the prickles of guilt all over his body.

He would be lying if he told Reiner now that he wasn't thinking, that if he had taken a moment to consider his actions things would have turned out differently. As it was happening, Eren was comparing the press of lips to the back of his neck to the kisses Reiner dropped across his shoulders. As Jean's always familiar touch visited the places Eren had grown accustomed to, Eren's skin felt startlingly bare of Reiner's gentle grip from the evening before.

He avoided the issue.

"You still can."

"Even though I have had to pretend to laugh at the majority of jokes you have told, I am drawing the line here."

Reiner's tone was a touch more comforting than the bench that had given Eren a splinter. He didn't sound half as hard and cold as Eren had expected. Instead he sounded sad. As though Eren really would make fun of him.

"You don't want to meet her?"

"I wish I had never asked you to come."

"Sorry," Eren said slowly. He was confused. Why had Reiner brought that up in the first place?

"I would have thought this would have involved a lot more begging for my forgiveness," Reiner said. He was staring at a point over Eren's shoulder and Eren had no doubt that it was the closest to eye contact he was going to get for now.

"I'll be sure to do that after I have attempted to make it up to you."

Reiner's eyes slid shut. His lips slackened and he ever so slightly shook his head.

"I know it isn't something that you can forgive right away. Maybe you will never forgive me. I am sorry that it happened."

"Okay."

"So," Eren said. He couldn't leave this as a pointless visit. This was one of his chances to begin to make it up to Reiner. Surely this is what he had wanted all along. Eren could think of no other reason. "Would you be open to seeing me every week or so? I miss you."

Reiner scoffed. "It has been four days."

"Exactly. I haven't seen you in four days."

Reiner's face softened and he glanced away as he cleared his throat. Eren only had to concentrate on the fact that it had also been four days for Reiner. He could pretend it didn't bother him all he wanted but he wasn't as closed off as he must have thought.

A few months ago, Annie had been taking up space on Reiner's sofa. She was texting Armin and ignoring any and all of Reiner's attempts to make conversation. She hadn't said much since she arrived but from the few texts Armin was gracious enough to send his way, Eren sort of had a grasp of the situation. Reiner was an amicable guy, everyone knew that much about him. Sometimes it did veer into the territory of being a bull in a china shop. Eren had no clue what Reiner had actually said but it was obvious how wounded Reiner was by being ignored.

It was too difficult to attempt to tweeze out all the china shards Reiner had managed to gouge into his flesh, but it was enough for Eren to hold Reiner's hand. It was enough for Eren to pretend he needed some help setting up the DVD player. It was enough for Eren to make a hot chocolate just the way his mother had shown him how to do and top it off with too much whipped cream, just like Reiner liked. And then it didn't matter so much that before she left, Annie kicked Reiner's leg out from under him and he whined pathetically about his shin for an hour afterwards. That night Reiner had stuttered his way through asking for more hot chocolate and then sullenly requested to be the little spoon when they went to bed.

It was going to take more than hot chocolate this time.

Then again they had never even fought before. It was strange to think that in the past few months they had never even had the slightest disagreement. Or perhaps they both internalised everything they thought was wrong and decided it was something they could overlook.

Eren had always thought it was weird how quickly Reiner befriended people. it was more like he would salve rough meetings with a thick layer of over familiarity. _Not with me though_ , Eren realised. With him Reiner had been exceedingly cautious with every syllable, every brush of contact, every good night text.

This was not the time for Eren to be thinking about that. This was time for him to work out how he was going to be more careful around Reiner - more considerate of him. He needed to do something to at least foster some friendliness between them. Something to stop Reiner looking so forlorn as he picked at his fingernails.

They waved pathetically at one another when Reiner decided it was time to go back inside. Eren walked home slowly. he kicked his toes against the pavement every few steps. The set of Reiner's shoulders had been all wrong. And it was probably Eren's fault. It was definitely Eren's fault. They were building upon something - ineffectual foundations it turned out.

At least Jean would say everything was all Eren's fault. He would call Eren a bell-end and tell him exactly how to make things up. That was what he used to do, before he realised he actually had a chance with Marco. More recently he had sulked and ignored Eren and that was absolutely fine. This had nothing to do with Jean anyway. He was irrelevant.

Now was not the time.

 

 

Reiner paused mid-step. When his foot finally landed on the floor, Eren couldn't pretend to smile any longer.

"This is my mum."

Carla wasn't stupid. When Eren tore his glance from Reiner's stricken countenance to his mother's carefully blank face he could tell she was painting over the twinge of disappointment she felt for her son. He had hopes for a little bit of positivity from her but it was a surprise for everyone. Except for Eren of course.

"It's nice to meet you," Reiner said flatly.

"It is very nice to meet you." Carla was a breeze of pretty smiles and clichéd lines about how much Eren had told her of Reiner. He could only lift his arm to shake her hand and mutter the same lines back to her. There was a long moment where Carla threw a significant look at Eren, her eyebrows arched dangerously and her lips pursed, before excusing herself. "I just need to check on the tea."

"This isn't funny, Eren."

"I'm not trying to be funny."

"What do you call this, then? I don't think we are in a place for you to be introducing me to your mother like this is nothing. Maybe we were before, but did you forget the bit where you _fucked_ someone else?"

His voice was surprisingly level, low. he could have been commenting on the weather. He wasn't though. The weather had nothing to do with how desperate Eren felt for some answer to this.

"Please. This is really important to me."

Reiner scoffed. Eren should not have been surprised by that.

"Surely you realise that you are in no position to ask me for anything. Tell your mum that she seems very nice but I couldn't handle being around her son at the moment."

He was gone and Eren didn't have a clue what he was supposed to do now. Reiner was supposed to stay.

 

 

"What happened?"Eren's mother asked. She closed the space between them with a gentle hand at the back of Eren's neck. He was stiff for a moment but easily followed as his mother's hand guided him to rest his head on her shoulder. "I can see that I am boring you but the polite thing would be to interrupt me and regale me with every one of your problems."

"I got in trouble at work a couple of weeks ago," Eren said. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. Carla's fingers kept combing the hair just behind his ear. She didn't say anything and maybe this was his time to make mistakes. If he was still a student he wouldn't be allowed a cuddle and a shoulder to cry on if he got in trouble at school. Maybe she simply pitied Eren for the fact he was ruining his own life. "I was just being stupid, you know."

"That's not like you."

It proved difficult to contain the streaming snot when Eren was snorting at his mum.

"No, but. I was made to go back with Jean to do the kitchen rip-outs but we got a cancellation in the afternoon. We were supposed to go back to the office but Jean took one of his stupid detours. I couldn't really even be bothered to tell him we should go back to the office. And, well, you know how Jean's stupid," Eren swiped at his nose and wiped the trails of snot off on his trousers. his mum didn't even flinch away from his sniffing. "He had these fishing poles in the van, like, why? Why was he stashing those in there?"

"Don't tell me this detour was for the sake of fishing," Carla chided.

Eren sniffed. He shrugged. He hardly wanted to say, "Actually, no, it was for the sake of fucking," and reveal the fact that he knew all along that the fishing was just incidental. So he said, "Like I said, he's an idiot. He parked up near this canal and we spent a couple of hours fishing and eating Monster Munch and running away from ducks. You know, the usual."

"That's the usual?"

"Well, yes. Usual canal stuff. But that's not the point. We got in trouble for skiving but... In between all the canal stuff we... I cheated. I cheated on Reiner and now he hates me."

"Can you blame him though?"

Eren didn't say anything to that. He couldn't. It was only right for Reiner to despise Eren after he had cheated - after he had sex with somebody else - but Eren could not help how he forgiveness was something easier to acquire. He didn't intend to repeat the mistake. He could blame it on a lapse in judgement, but now he knew never to let his judgement lapse. He would keep himself in check. He first needed to get himself in the position to prove himself.

"Eren," His mum sighed, pressed a kiss to his temple. "As long as you own up to your mistake you should be able to find a way to fix it. Mikasa has been keeping me updated, you know. She says you have been doing well recently. You have finally got the hang of budgeting apparently. And you have been eating better. I don't suppose that has anything to do with Reiner, does it?"

Eren shrugged. "Probably. He's a personal trainer, so."

"It sounds like he is good for you." She paused. Then, "Are you good for him?"

It wasn't something that Eren had really thought about before. Reiner was good for him. Reiner might have even been perfect for him. He was a good cook and he worried about Eren's health and when conversation ran dry their silences were never strained. He had a streak of creativity that occasionally left Eren lacking in attention but he always liked to see what came out of it, to see how Reiner saw the world and how he wanted other people to see how he saw the world.

This would not be the first time Eren hadn't quite seen things how Reiner had wanted them to be seen. He might have been too ignorant.

Eren's mum sighed. She tilted her head and the hair that had been pulled into a loose ponytail slid down her shoulder smoothly. She looked thoughtful, young. Too good to be sitting in Eren's shitty flat and listening to his problems years after his previous problems caused her to uproot and live a different life.  Her eyes locked with Eren's as she asked, "To fix your problem, how have you apologised in the past?"

"I've never needed to."

"I know you're not the type for that sort of thing," She agreed quietly. "You haven't even apologised to your father."

"I said sorry"

"It is more than saying sorry." She was actually frowning and Eren had no idea what 'more' could even mean. She had always given him vague titbits of advice and then failed to ever actually give them any meaning. Eren never had a clue.

"He's your father and he went voluntarily but most people usually feel like they need to make amends for that sort of thing." Eren stiffened. His dad had previous anyway. He deserved to be in prison and Eren wasn't going to complain about that. He was not going to apologise for it either. He had said the words though staring at the freckled pattern of the plastic table and shrinking away from the prospect of being in a place like this himself, surrounded by vicious-looking men with scars and the kind of genetics that made them look guilty. It was too late to make amends. Perhaps not doing anything in the first place, but that would have left Eren with a different problem altogether.

His mum continued, quietly putting back thoughts of Grisha Jaeger as though they had never shifted from the depths of her mind. "If you need to make this up to Reiner... just try. How would you apologise to your father if you could go back?"

"That's different," Eren grumbled. He wouldn't apologise anyway. His dad was crooked and deserved what he had coming to him. Eren could accept his own comeuppance when it came as long as it wasn't this, as long as it didn't mean Reiner slipping right out of his life.

"What about Mikasa?"

"That's even more different. And also illegal"

Eren's mum sighed as she slipped her arm away from Eren. She rubbed at her temples and her eyes fell shut. She grumbled,  "This brings back memories. Parents in the playground and telling me how they pity me..."

Eren didn't know what that meant either but he didn't want to ask about anything that his mum had made more confusing for him.

 

 

"This is better than last time, I suppose," Reiner noted. Eren hummed inquisitively and he went on. "Well I don't feel like punching anybody. There are no surprise parents. You have promised me two of my three favourite things."

Eren couldn't recall a list of Reiner's three favourite things. Maybe the cottage pie was one of them but that seemed a little bit indulgent considering Reiner's strict diet of never eating anything remotely fun ever. Not that Eren was bothered by the fact that he had no idea what Reiner was talking about. He offered a saccharine smile and a nod and hoped this would not present a further line of conversation.

He said, "Well I thought we should focus on the important things. Go back to basics. Talk about you, talk about me, get to know each other."

"Anything you have in mind?"

Eren nodded and then shoved his mouth full of potato and beef - maybe if this was doomed to be an awful evening he would choke. He survived that forkful of (Armin's) cooking so he decided everything was going to go his way.

"I suppose I was just curious about you. Like, as self-involved as it sounds I wanted you to know about me too."

"Know about you how?"

Eren ignored the note of suspicion in Reiner's voice, the untouched meal - so that could not have been one of Reiner's three favourite things - and the way his fingers scraped ineffectually at the table that had been borrowed from Mikasa's flat.

"Just..." Right then. That was the moment Eren decided he was a gigantic idiot and this was a stupid topic of conversation. Considering his own experiences he doubted this would be the thing to make Reiner realise he honestly wanted to make things up to him. "I... Like... What's the whole gay thing like for you?"

Dumb. He really was the biggest idiot. He didn't really want to talk about how it was for him so to think for a moment that Reiner would appreciate the topic was one of the top five most idiotic thoughts he had. But feelings - that was what people in relationships talked about, surely. That's the impression movies gave. Real life relationships did seem different though. Annie and Armin probably hadn't experienced an emotion between them so there was nothing to discuss there. Mikasa's potentially extensive history was a secret to Eren. Jean was not someone Eren spoke with so he wouldn't be asking him what topics he broached with Marco. His own parents... He couldn't recall feelings ever having come up unless irritation was in the tally.

"Same as everyone, I suppose." Reiner tilted his head to the side and at least had the decency to stir his fork through his portion of cottage pie. Armin would be very disappointed. "I always knew I was like this, I just never quite knew what it meant. I think I was maybe twelve, thirteen? I told my parents and they were happy I was comfortable enough to tell them. And then I suppose I had a few short-lived relationships here and there. And here we are."

Eren released the breath he had held in after the question. He didn't feel any lighter after letting go of the gaseous lead that had clouded in his lungs. His breath tumbled into the hands that lay in his lap and closed his eyes, inhaled air that was cleaner, and asked, "What do you mean you just knew?"

"I just mean that whole angst thing just wasn't for me."

"Fuck off."

Reiner's expression did not drop until Eren had been glaring at him for a full minute. He sat up in his chair and lifted one of his hands from the wrist. It was not until Eren managed to smooth out his own expression that Reiner dropped his hand back to the table. He nodded and mumbled an apology. "That bad?"

"I don't know. How bad are the rumours about being a rent boy, or people not wanting to sit near you in case they catch AIDS?"

"That really is bad," Reiner muttered to Mikasa's table. "So you did the whole angst thing?"

"Don't call it that. Don't. Don't say that like I was just being dramatic."

It might have been better if he had choked on the first mouthful. It was his own fault though. He was the one that brought up the subject and was attempting to think of a way to make things up to Reiner. He had seemed like somebody who liked getting all warm and fuzzy about relationships. Eren was clearly wrong and he should have thought longer and harder about what he would do to try to win Reiner's favour. He should have asked Armin or Mikasa for more help than just a meal and a table and chairs.

Eren breathed. He was calm. It was his fault for bringing it up anyway. No point in getting irritated at Reiner just because things were apparently easier for him. There was no point getting riled up because he had hoped to capitalise on some potential pain. Eren breathed. he was fine.

"I'm just trying to understand this. So, that guy you cheated on me with, Jean, What is the deal with him?"

"It was sort of an accident."

Reiner raised his eyebrows and averted his gaze.

Eren squirmed for a moment. He needed to word this better. He remembered his mother telling him that sex was rarely an accident and Eren was never that unlucky. Which left the implication that Eren had done it on purpose. As though every idiotic interaction with Jean had been on purpose.  

"Well I suppose it was more of a bet," Eren allowed. "When we were seventeen we were just getting over the bad blood between us and I don't really remember. His mum was really nice though. She liked making me food, and... It was just nice that there was someone who had a fraction of a clue. He was the only person who got it, nobody else even came close and it's not like I could try to talk to anybody else about it. I mean, he said he wasn't like me but it didn't matter because... It was a bet."

"That's... cute," Reiner noted gruffly. "It's a little bit much though, don't you think? You know, the bad blood and then the bonding over your feelings. Very sweet. And after all this time he can still charm the pants off you?"

"It wasn't... It's not like that."

Eren was aware that his protestation sounded weak because a bet wouldn't be reason to keep going back.

"Really, because this man has known you since you were young, am I correct? And he has always been there. There might have been a bit of turbulence but at the end of the day that could just be chalked up to sexual tension. It sounds like you had a pretty shit time when people found out you liked men, but  you have remained close for this long and... you managed to stay faithful to him."

Faithful sounded a little bit heavy. Too heavy to be used when talking about Jean. Faithful was a word that should have been used in the context of Reiner. But Reiner was the one forcing the word out through gritted teeth and he shouldn't have had to look like that. Eren was shit for making him look defeated.

"It's not as romantic as you are making it sound. Unless someone telling you to fuck off because they're _not like you_ is your idea of romance."

"It's not. I didn't mean to be a prick. I am just finding this a bit hard. You've got a lot on, haven't you."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't think you're going to let him go," Reiner said quietly. "You as good as told me he is everything you have known. It's easy, right? I don't think I can... trust you not to go back there."

"You can, you can trust, me. Please."

Reiner shook his head and Eren had nothing. He had nothing to day and he had no idea how he was supposed to fix any of this. He had no reason to go back. Jean had nothing that Eren needed. Jean only had jumbled up memories and a novel-length knowledge of how Eren worked, but Eren could rely on Reiner enough to work that out for himself. Jean only had a half-charming smile and a heart that longed for Marco. Reiner had possibility and a shy smile when happiness was unexpected, and a habit of hiding his face the moment before he came and he also had endless patience. Eren needed that most of all.

Eren sniffed loudly. He couldn't say any of that.

"I don't know if I can trust you yet, but it always seemed a little bit like fate," Reiner mumbled at the plate of cooling food before him. "To become friends with you. The universe doesn't make accidents and I think maybe I was supposed to be here for this part of your life. Just give me some time."

And just like that it was too easy and too difficult all at once. That was as close as he would get to forgiveness for now and for all his brainlessness, Eren wanted to point out that he had been given this far too easily. He definitely couldn't say any of that.

 

 

From: Reiner

We need to buy you some actual food.

From: reiner

I am sick of looking in your cupboards and only finding bran flakes

 

 

Shopping must have been code for something because he and Reiner did not even get as far as the front door before he was reduced to a squirming, shivering mess on the floor. Quickly, wordlessly they agreed to forget about shopping. Eren didn't need food anyway. It was rare that he was even home for meal times and Reiner usually made him something to take to work for lunch anyway. The text while Eren was on his lunch break was probably just to suggest this all along. Eren didn't mind that at all.

"You're perfect, you know," Reiner breathed into Eren's mouth. It was a nice thought, being perfect. Despite everything he had done, despite everything he still might do if he submitted to a poor decision. Perfect. 

Reiner was probably the perfect one, considering comfort over convenience and ignoring Eren's strained whine to move things onto the sofa. The sofa cushions were marginally more comfortable than the floor and that miniscule benefit made the world of difference when Eren's spine was bowed against the cushions and Reiner's balls were slapping against Eren's skin too sharply to be pleasant.

Reiner's tone softened in Eren's ears as his cock softened in Eren's arse. Reiner stroked Eren's sweat-damp hair away from his face and the fingertips of his left hand trembled against Eren's jaw. "I love you so much, Eren. I know that I was hard on you before but I just need you to know just how much you mean to me."

Eren's breath sounded too harsh after Reiner's words. He exhaled a little bit slower and loosened the fist that had grasped a clump of Reiner's shirt. His open palm fit against Reiner's side.

Eren could admit that Reiner hadn't been hard on him at all. It had been surprisingly easy to half-make things up to Reiner. He knew what he still had yet to do but even that seemed too easy considering Reiner's initial reaction. Eren could admit that much to himself. He kept his mouth shut about that to Reiner. 

"I love you."

"Thank you."

Eren kept his expression neutral but he could not help himself wondering why Reiner felt the need to thank him. 

 

 

The shower was a bit too cold. Eren's comfort was not the focus here. He needed to get clean. He had to scrub and rinse extra thoroughly and hope that the severe looking man who shoved him into the cubicle wouldn't follow through on his threat to check. Eren had sat through several Asbestos Awareness training sessions in the past few months so he knew what he was supposed to do. He knew what the consequences were. Really the threat should have been for the idiot who smashed the asbestos panel in the first place.

For once it wasn't Eren who had majorly fucked up. It had been Jean who hadn't waited for their manager to bring the survey. It had been Jean who had glared at Eren, told him to stop being an idiot and to get on with his work. It had been Jean who was grumbling at a particularly stubborn section on panelling and had smashed it with his mallet for all he was worth. The dust had settled by the time the site manager arrived, asbestos survey in hand and frizzy hair coming loose from the ponytail she had tied it in. She had to strip out of her contaminated clothes too and she had given Jean a clip around the ear before grumbling and cloistering herself away in her own cubicle.

At least Jean would get more of a telling off later. The paperwork, the revisions of company procedure, the visits from the Health and Safety Executive. The icy shower was more than enough to absolve Eren of the twinges of guilt he felt from being happy about all of that.

Perhaps he was being too bitter. When the asbestos specialists deemed him suitable for human contact they sent him on his way. It turned out Jean had left around half an hour beforehand, so Eren collected his bag before he left. At least Jean had the decency to leave it with somebody from the asbestos removal company rather than chucking it onto the roadside for Eren to retrieve.

Apparently Reiner thought Eren was being too cruel about the whole matter.

Eren was loathe to disagree with people wielding large pointy knives but he could not let this go.

"What would you have preferred? That I thanked him for almost getting me killed? I should put a compensation claim in. I have had an accident at work and it wasn't my fault."

Reiner scoffed. He did say anything else. He continued to chop vegetables while Eren leaned over the counter next to him and glowered.

"And you are worse than him! Allowing me into a food preparation area? What if I get asbestos in the food and then we eat it and we both die?"

Reiner didn't look up from the chopping board, him hands moving deftly as he chopped the peppers into bright stripes. "A little bit Romeo and Juliet, but I don't think that is quite how asbestos works."

"What would you know?"

"More than you apparently," Reiner hummed thoughtfully.

Reiner was methodical in his movements. Even when he had chopped the onions his only reaction was some minor sniffing. Eren's eyes were streaming. He had been glad when Reiner moved on to vegetables that were less offensive to Eren's eyes. 

When Eren had finally exhausted even himself of talking about the asbestos incident he found himself surprised. Reiner obviously knew that Eren had cheated on him with Jean. He knew yet each time Eren carelessly brought him up, Reiner kept his mouth shut. Eren didn't want Reiner to have to hum and sigh his way through conversations. He didn't want Reiner to keep his mouth shut. He wanted to stop bringing Jean up - colleagues or not, even Eren could admit that the frequency Jean came up in conversation was excessive. He probably needed a new job. 

Eren had never been much of an omlette person before, but Reiner ate them at least once a week. Considering Eren's lack of cooking ability he was mostly at the mercy of whatever other people were eating. At least with Reiner he could guarantee it would be nutritious.

 

 

Mikasa claimed to have spent all day preparing the meal for herself, Eren and Carla, but Eren had never seen Mikasa so much as peel a banana before. It was suspicious how she had arrived at Carla's flat with Tupperware boxes of ingredients and had spent a lot of time pretending not to be on the phone as she shoved Eren and Carla out of the kitchen when she caught them poking their heads around the door. Armin hadn't replied to Eren's text but it was obvious that he had basically done all the work for Mikasa and was instructing her by phone. It was a typically 'Armin' thing to do despite the fact that he had stopped doing as such for Eren. He was probably still annoyed about the time he checked the food waste bin to find three quarters of a cottage pie poorly masked with banana peel and cereal dust.

As spot on as Eren's suspicions about dinner must have been, he hadn't an inkling about what dinnertime conversation turned out to be.

"I don't know, Eren, there's just something off about him," Mikasa shrugged, eyes locked with Eren's and barely an apology in her countenance.

"What does that mean? How is there something off about him?"

Mikasa hesitated. She tapped her glass with her fingernails and glanced at Carla. She cleared her throat when she looked back to Eren and asked, "Why is he with you?"

It was nothing more than a ridiculous question. She didn't even have a point to make. Eren didn't rise to it. She had always been fine with Reiner when they were face to face. Lately he had been finding himself increasingly wordless when backed into a corner. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. He didn't have a clue what she would counter with. He hesitated before mumbling, "He loves me."

"He loves you, huh?"

"Isn't that enough?" Eren was asking his mother more than Mikasa. Mikasa was unbeatable. His mother was softer and hopefully more likely to pat him on the head and soothingly agree that was enough. It should have been enough, but even Carla averted her eyes and focused on Mikasa's fingernails tapping the glass.

"It should be enough," Mikasa hummed, "except for the fact that you are a giant loser and I literally cannot think of one person who would choose to go out with you."

She had a point that Reiner was the first person in over twenty years to choose to go out with Eren. And he was very attractive and he had a good job and his body was insanely good and Eren was rough and not particularly good for anything.

"Mikasa," Carla chided, through a big fat grin that she wasn't even bothering to hide.

"I'm just saying, we love you because we have to, Eren. But Reiner accidentally sent you a text and suddenly you are the only deity he worships. You struck far too lucky with him."

"Why do you have to do this to me?" Eren groaned.

Mikasa didn't so much as smile until Eren was face down on the table and swatting the air approximately three feet left of where his mother's unrestrained cackles were actually coming from. That was mean. Mikasa was being far too mean. And unfortunately for him Mikasa didn't get much kinder that evening.

 

 

"What was that in there?" Jean's question was more of a surprise than his hands grasping at Eren's jumper as leverage to drag him aside. His hands tightened into fists and he was ready. This was just like old times except there would be no teachers to threaten expulsion for bruising Jean's stupid face. No employers either seeing as Eren had just handed in his notice, only a week left before he was free from this place.

"I handed in my notice."

Jean blinked and his grip loosened before he remembered himself. "You're quitting?"

"Yeah. I'm done with this shithole."

"You're not serious, are you?"

That was unexpected. Jean's grip got ever tighter and he was leaning close enough for Eren to see himself scowling in Jean's eyes.  

"I'm serious. In a week I will start my new job. And you will be stuck here for the rest of your life." In his mind there was supposed to be laughter in his tone. Instead he sounded hollow. He wasn't Hollow, he was full of future possibilities. He was never that attached to his job anyway. This was his chance to go on to bigger and better things. He could retrain and do something that he had never before thought of as an option.

"Take it back." Jean's voice was hoarse and he didn't bother to hide the sudden wetness of his sniff before he grunted, "Go back in there and take back your letter. Tell them it was just an accident."

"I accidentally quit my job? Sounds realistic," Eren murmured. Jean looked as though he was about to make another plea. Firmly, a little more coolly than expected, Eren said, "You have no right to tell me what to do."

Jean's hands slowly released Eren and he shrugged. He said, "Okay." Eren did not see him for the rest of the week.

 

From: Idiot

I'm sorry

 

To: Idiot

that's the first text you send me in months?

 

To: Idiot

what does that even mean?

 

To: Idiot

is that it then?

 

To: Idiot

for what its worth i am sorry too


End file.
